Well, here I am again. And again, don't know exactly what I am doing. It is the end of October. It will soon be 2 years that Kelly has been gone from our lives. We miss her so so much. I wish, whoever is reading this could have known her. She made you laugh when you were sad, she made you sad when she would laugh, she had a sprit I thought would never give up. But give up she did. She gave up on life, because I know life gave up on her. Or so she thought. In that moment of darkness, of no hope, that forrest that swallowed her up. God, I loved that kid. I wish my love alone could have saved her. But, that night, maybe did she think for one minute I didn't love her? Why. She asked me for her brothers cell phone number, I gave it too her. She came back, upset that her brothers girlfreind had answered his cell phone and blew her off, that hurt Kelly, more than I could imagine. I did'nt know that. She thought at that moment everyone was down on her. Everyone. I feel I let her down. In so many ways. Not thinking. Swallowed up in my own misery. To see that my baby, my baby girl, was hurting. I want to post a poem she wrote. Later. I have to find it. She wrote several poems. Before the summer of 2002, her poems were funny, about life, and being a kid. After the summer of 2002, they changed. I will post some of them. Maybe someone reading has a child contemplating suicide. Kelly's was full of warnings. We didn't ignore these warning, I seen them. They hurt me to the bottom of my soul. We scrambled for help. That too is a long story in itself. She even went as far as moving to Denver, Colorado to be with my sister in law from my first marriage. She wanted to move to a city, that no one knew her story. Unlike the small town of Moab, Utah. She said, "mom, I just want to be Kelly again". Kelly Sowell, who enjoyed life. The pictures of her trip to Denver show this too. She was Kelly again. But after a time, when school was about to start, she wanted to come home. She missed her mom and dad very much. Her life here. Her neices and nephew. Her bedroom. So I let her come back. To die. I didn't know that then, oh God, I didn't know that then. I have tears now. I have to go. Later.

brokenjustice

Hi,
I don't even know what a blog is. So right now I am testing the water. I want to I quess the word is blog, my story, my daughters story, my son's story. I am Kelly Sowell's mom, and many of you have showed our family support, and some have not. For those of you that have, thank you. For those of you that have not, I appreciate your comments also. Kelly's story unfortunately is not unique. There are so so many victims of sexual assaults. Each has their own story, their own nightmares. In my daughters case I will have to keep referring to Arielle Beck here as her alleged perputrator with the ruling by the Utah Court of Appeals that was upheld by the Utah Supreme Court. Therefore releasing Arielle of any wrong doing and wiping her record clean. Even though Arielle spent 2 yrs. in the Utah State Prison for what I am going to refer to as rape, even though our legal system refers to it as sexual misconduct, sexually abusing, and in Kelly's case Forcible Sexual Abuse. But please remember Arielle Beck is now an "alleged perputrator", as she is innocent until proven guilty. That is our laws, and we must respect them. I am going to leave now but will follow up on any comments I do receive. Again I am not sure of what I am really doing here.