Well, here I am again. And again, don't know exactly what I am doing. It is the end of October. It will soon be 2 years that Kelly has been gone from our lives. We miss her so so much. I wish, whoever is reading this could have known her. She made you laugh when you were sad, she made you sad when she would laugh, she had a sprit I thought would never give up. But give up she did. She gave up on life, because I know life gave up on her. Or so she thought. In that moment of darkness, of no hope, that forrest that swallowed her up. God, I loved that kid. I wish my love alone could have saved her. But, that night, maybe did she think for one minute I didn't love her? Why. She asked me for her brothers cell phone number, I gave it too her. She came back, upset that her brothers girlfreind had answered his cell phone and blew her off, that hurt Kelly, more than I could imagine. I did'nt know that. She thought at that moment everyone was down on her. Everyone. I feel I let her down. In so many ways. Not thinking. Swallowed up in my own misery. To see that my baby, my baby girl, was hurting. I want to post a poem she wrote. Later. I have to find it. She wrote several poems. Before the summer of 2002, her poems were funny, about life, and being a kid. After the summer of 2002, they changed. I will post some of them. Maybe someone reading has a child contemplating suicide. Kelly's was full of warnings. We didn't ignore these warning, I seen them. They hurt me to the bottom of my soul. We scrambled for help. That too is a long story in itself. She even went as far as moving to Denver, Colorado to be with my sister in law from my first marriage. She wanted to move to a city, that no one knew her story. Unlike the small town of Moab, Utah. She said, "mom, I just want to be Kelly again". Kelly Sowell, who enjoyed life. The pictures of her trip to Denver show this too. She was Kelly again. But after a time, when school was about to start, she wanted to come home. She missed her mom and dad very much. Her life here. Her neices and nephew. Her bedroom. So I let her come back. To die. I didn't know that then, oh God, I didn't know that then. I have tears now. I have to go. Later.